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Missing Fan

It's true that my heart was broken in two
on the day I said goodbye to you.
And I'll carry an ache in my chest
until Jesus makes everything new.
-Until We Meet Again by Showbread

Today marks one year since my grandmother passed away.

It's been a difficult year, but I think I've learned that I'm definitely a lot stronger than I ever presumed to be. I'm a giant worry-wart and I had worried about what life would be like without her. Sometimes it's awful, like when I want to call her and tell her something, or as I've been working on this new book and making lists of all the people I need to reserve copies for. She was always the first person on the list, but now she's not. But then sometimes you're okay because you just have to be. You can't stay depressed and just give up; you have to keep going.

I think the more time passes, the more thankful I am for all the memories I have with my grandmother. Not everyone is lucky enough to have spent as much time with their loved ones as I spent with Fan. And she taught me so much and gave me so much confidence. Things like that are so valuable.

So here's to you Fan. I love you more than I ever thought I could love anyone and I miss you more than I can express. But because of Jesus and all the things you taught me, I can keep going and live the life you always wanted for me. Thank you.


A lot of people ask why I called my grandmother Fan. For those who don't know, it's because when she became a grandmother, she felt too young to be called "grandma." My mom had a Fannie Farmer cookbook and said, "Well, will they just call you Fannie Farmer?" Fan said, "Yep," and she's been Fan ever since.  And she had pet names for all the grandkids and Sissie (Sis the older I got) was mine.

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